Numb or Navigate:
🌟I am proud of the girl in the picture.
🏠 In the dark corners of a broken home, I often felt alone even while surrounded by people. During the fighting, hitting, and piercing screams, I would hide with hope and imagine I was in a different environment, one with more peace than pain. My childhood was rough, moving from place to place, most times without a real bed or even a familiar face.
Unlike many in my family of origin, I chose not to turn to drugs or alcohol for relief despite the heaviness of the chaos. Instead, I faced it all directly, finding my strength in moments of uncertainty and grief. 💪🏼
💔My two amazing brothers, found themselves caught in the throes of addiction many times, using substances to numb their pain. The pain from trauma can cause more trauma and it can becomes too much to bear. I always understood their reasons for numbing and have had compassion for them. Tragically, both of their lives were cut short, their struggles highlighting the devastating impact of running and numbing rather than facing the inner turmoil and finding healthy ways to cope. They are forever missed and never forgotten. To this day and forevermore my spirit fractured by their absence but the absence fuels my fire and desire to rebuke unhealthy acts of numbing.
✍🏼Over the years I started writing, expressing my genuine feelings and experiences. I have found that validation and healing in the art of written expression has been tremendously beneficial. Year after year, I have found my voice by making conscious choices in the midst of my struggles. I often bare my soul through pen and paper writing in journals, on the back of receipts, on post-it’s or anything I can find, to get it out of my mind, of course it’s 2024 so stroking the keys on a keyboard help as well. Words have become a refuge and a gift to the healing process.
📸Photography has been an indispensable part of my healing process as well. In a life often marked by chaos and uncertainty, capturing images became a way to pause and appreciate moments of beauty and peace amidst the turmoil. Through my camera lens, I have learned to focus on the details that often go unnoticed the gentle curve of a leaf, the play of light on water, the quiet dignity of a weathered face. This practice not only provided me with a literal new perspective but also a metaphorical one, teaching me to find serenity in my surroundings and to seek out the beauty that persists even in difficult times. It’s through this artistic expression that I’ve been able to connect more deeply with the world around me, transforming how I perceive my environment and my place within it.
🏃🏽♀️Exercise has been a critical component of coping, serving as more than just a means to physical health. Engaging in activities like CrossFit, walking, and running has provided a powerful outlet for emotional release and mental clarity. The physical effort required in these activities forces me to focus on my body’s movements and breathing, diverting attention away from stressful thoughts and allowing a mental break from the pressures of life.
The rhythmic nature of walking and running, coupled with the disciplined challenge of lifting weights, acts as a form of meditation. Each step and lift is a momentary escape, grounding me in the present and diminishing feelings of anxiety and depression. This physical exertion releases endorphins, often referred to as feel good hormones, which naturally elevate mood and promote a sense of wellbeing. I’m no Olympian, I’m just trying to survive.
The regular routine of exercise instills a sense of accomplishment and control. By setting and achieving fitness goals, I am reminded of my strength and resilience, reinforcing my ability to manage life’s challenges. This has been invaluable in not just maintaining my physical stamina (not to perfection), but in fortifying my mental resilience, helping me navigate and manage emotional turmoil more effectively.
🙏🏼Throughout this journey, my faith has also been a deeply personal cornerstone of my healing. It has provided a sense of hope, community, and purpose amidst the darkness, guiding me towards forgiveness and peace. This relationship has grown stronger as I have learned to trust in a path that often seemed obscured by my circumstances. This spiritual grounding has been essential, offering me a deeper source of strength and resilience.
🧘♀️While dealing with the aftermath of years of trauma it has been hard to find my footing and I have certainly not been free of stumbling blocks along the way. My brain has struggled to understand that I could be safe, loved, wanted, and at peace. Truthfully there have been many moments that I wished for the light of my soul to burn out. I have pressed on. With each moment of difficulty, I have learned that every slow breath I breathed, while my heart raced to the brink of explosion, has helped me learn to trust that safety can be found in this new chapter of my life. Breathe in for four seconds, hold four seconds, exhale four seconds, hold four seconds and repeat.
✨Today, my light inside shines brighter and I have emerged from the shadows into a strong woman and advocate. I now have the honor of sharing a brighter hope filled life for anyone who has come from hard and dark places. I am a speaker and an author who no longer wears only black to match the shadows of my past, I often wear bright pink 💖. This strong color was chosen to express the voice I have found. A voice that is here to stay and it has become a vessel for reaching out to help others just as many have done for me.
With the compassionate help of many members of my community and years of hard work, I have built my life as a wife, a mother, a mentor, and a friend. I finally believe it is possible to find joy and to experience triumph. The first 17 years of my painful introduction into humanity has made a direct impact on my heart for helping people. It has shaped me, refined me and challenged me to fight to live.
👷♀️Through all of the wrestling, sleepless nights, tears, wishing, hoping, dreaming, and heartache, I have chosen not to seek to numb the pain with quick fixes. Instead, I have pressed through it all, allowing each challenge to strengthen and refine me. I’m still here and I’m grateful for writing, photography, exercise, community and faith. My journey shows that even through the darkest nights, with resilience, a hand up, and determination, it’s possible to reach the light. My hope is that my life will be a testament to the power of facing our struggles head on while asking for and receiving help along the way. ❤️
Simply Encourage Blog 