🗣️GIVE IT THREE MONTHS:

My Confirmation Bias: looking for evidence that “those people” are against me.

There was a time when I believed I was the person no one would want to sit with in church. I pushed everyone away, convinced that they were judging me. I rarely stepped out to get help, which lead to me feeling isolated and unworthy.

But then, I met “them”. I met incredible people along this journey who changed everything for me. They broke through my walls and made me feel seen, accepted, safe and loved. So many people have sat next to me so that I wouldn’t be alone.

What if I had let my fear of judgment keep me from these life changing connections? What if I am the reason for my own isolation because I only searched for evidence that supported my unhealthy beliefs? What about the times I missed “them” because of my inability to accept the love, compassion, and mercy of others?

I have learned to rest in the mercy, compassion, and kindness of others. Interestingly enough, most of the people who have offered support have been professing Christians. Some have been humanists, and others were simply empathetic activists who have walked a similar path. No matter what, I have learned to lean into gratitude for their encouragement along the way.

Have you ever considered that Christians, Humanists, and Activists all belong in the category of Mentor? Mentors offer a nonjudgmental presence and wisdom from their own journey to those who need it.

To anyone experiencing loneliness, mental battles, and isolation, or simply trying to figure out how to break some devastating and often debilitating generational cycles: You are not alone, even if it feels that way. Often, the people around you want to support you, even if you don’t see it yet. Don’t wait for the invitation, walk into the room. Step out of the shadows and let yourself be seen. You are worthy of connection and love.

Have you recognized those who are there for you? They might be sitting quietly by your side within the walls of the church, waiting for you to open up when the time is right. Sometimes, all it takes is one small step, one brave moment of reaching out or speaking up. You’ll find that there are people ready to offer you the same mercy, compassion, and kindness that I found.

Your journey towards healing and connection starts with believing that you are worthy of it. You don’t have to fight your battles alone. There are mentors, friends, and kind-hearted strangers who are more than willing to walk with you. Embrace their support and let it uplift you. Your story is important, and your presence matters.

I also want to tell you that I have walked through the doors of many churches and have often been the judgmental one in the past. I think it may have been because of the crippling fear of perceived rejection. I have also been humbled and incredibly honored to watch the walls around my heart and mind crumble as peace and freedom enter in by way of unconditional love.

If you are in a season of despair…please know there are people who care, everywhere. Maybe you need to believe it in order to see it.

What if your next step towards connection is just around the corner? What if reaching out could change everything for you, as it did for me?

-Stephanie Ellison

P.S. I remember walking into my church and saying “Nope! It’s not for me!” Then I felt a nudge within saying “give it three months”! I stayed for three months and I started to feel the connections! It was truly remarkable. To think I almost walked away after the first visit. I truly would have missed out on so much due to my own judgmental inner dialogue! Give it three months is my rule for life!