“Forty wasn’t punishment, it was preparation.” This is what is churning in my mind today! I am just beginning to recognize the importance of my forty years. 😭

If you had told me years ago that I’d be sitting at a Directors’ Retreat for a church I now get to serve, I don’t think I would’ve believed you. Honestly, I still can’t believe I’m here. Home. 🤯

There are moments when I pause, look around, and whisper under my breath, “God, I can’t believe You LET me be here. Transplanted, deeply rooted, reedeemed and ready.”

This morning, while reflecting on yesterday, I felt the Lord tug at my heart and remind me of something both simple and deeply meaningful. I turned 41 this year, and it’s only now that I’m beginning to understand the wait, the weight and the wonder, of forty. We talked about our paths yesterday and it dawned on me, every step where I could not see ahead was preparation for now, such a time as this. Every moment purposeful.

In Scripture, forty represents testing, transformation, and preparation. It rained 40 days and nights before Noah saw the rainbow of new beginnings.

Moses fasted 40 days on Mount Sinai before receiving the Ten Commandments.

The Israelites wandered 40 years in the wilderness, learning to depend on God before entering the Promised Land.

Jesus Himself spent 40 days in the wilderness, facing temptation and teaching us not only how to live, but how to suffer with purpose.

Every time “forty” appears, it marks a season of waiting and refining before a new beginning.

The Waiting Was Hard… but Holy. My “forty” didn’t look like a desert, but it felt like one.
It has been years of heartbreak, rebuilding, surviving, failing, growing, and trusting that somehow the pain isn’t pointless.

I have suffered in very human ways, through loss, disappointment, betrayal, and exhaustion. Jesus taught me that suffering isn’t wasted when it’s surrendered. He didn’t just show us how to live well; He showed us how to suffer well, with grace, with faith, and with hope anchored in something eternal.

Just as Deuteronomy 8:2 says:
“Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart.”

God wasn’t punishing me. He was preparing me. He was building endurance, compassion, and faith that could stand the storms of life and still say, “It is well with my soul.”

The Promise after forty is here! As I sit here surrounded by leaders who love Jesus and serve with such passion, I’m overwhelmed by gratitude.
It’s not lost on me that EVERY hardship, EVERY delay, EVERY tear, it all prepared me for this moment.

The number forty means transition, and I can feel that in my spirit. God transitioned me from striving to surrender, from surviving to serving, from wondering “Why me?” to whispering “Thank You.”

The suffering I once thought would destroy me has become the soil where gratitude grows.

To Anyone Still in Their “Forty”, Maybe you’re waiting, for breakthrough, direction, healing, or hope. Maybe it’s been a long wilderness, and you’re wondering if you missed your moment.

Friend, don’t rush the waiting. Don’t despise the desert.
Because even there, Jesus is teaching you how to live and how to endure. The same God who led His people through the wilderness will lead you into your promise.

Forty isn’t the end, it’s the beginning of something new.

When I think about this new chapter, working for the church, sitting in rooms where vision is cast and lives are changed, I’m reminded that God’s timing is perfect, even when it feels painfully slow.

What felt like delay was divine development. Now, standing on the other side of forty, I can finally say, The waiting was worth it. The suffering had purpose. The forty prepared me for the promise. Thank you to everyone who met me in the last fourty years and whispered, keep going. I am grateful.

Jeannette thank you for the random Wednesday call in May, an invitation to read a job description. Thank you Beltway Park Church for an invitation home, to serve with you. I am truly humbled and ready to take one step at a time.

Lord, thank you for all of the moments you waited for me to call on you. Psalm 40:1-3. Trust refined.

🩷Steph