The Brother I Never Had

Today I thought about him.  He was a man from my past only he was just a boy when I entered his life.  He was the one I had dreamed about.  This man was also just a boy when his innocence was taken by people who should have provided security and protection from the harmful violence he faced.  I often wonder if the abused life hadn’t been his fate if he would have turned on his own presence the way he did.

Tragic it was, the way he stole his own life from us.  By us I am speaking of those who had dreamed of him.  I wonder if he knew.  I often dreamed of myself being a mature woman with a family and children instead of the incompetent little sister.  It turned out so differently in my imagination.  I could see our children playing in the fields that surrounded our house, and his little girls teaching mine how to dress as a princess and how to walk in heals and even how to swim just as cousins do.  I often pictured the table ready for a feast on the special holiday of Thanksgiving as we all gathered around and spoke of the great things that we were thankful for.  I dreamed of him and his family and myself and my family bonding as we, the adults, drank coffee and talked about the weather or the simple things in life.  We would all watch our children grow and teach them how to Love the way we were never taught by our own.  All of these things were yet dreams that will never be.  Why?  Because he let go and decided to rob us all of what would have been that beautiful dream becoming a reality.

I miss you so much and I am sorry that you will never know my husband and children because they are so beautiful.  Most importantly I am sorry they will never know you.


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