I must start out by saying that I asked first before I shared! My first priority was to ask God what to do with it. By it, I mean the huge burden of fear, and this giant secret I was carrying. The second thing I did was ask my husband and wise counsel for prayer as I sought answers from God! The third thing I did was ask a few friends! Next, I asked my birth mom because I always ask her before I share the tough truths of our history. I always want to reassure her that there is no longer bitterness or anger. I have received blessings from all…I have continued to ask God for his blessing on timing and now…finally, I am able to ASK you!
As you follow this link below I would like to tell you that I am several years removed from graduate school and this has been something I have prayed about, agonized about, feared doing, and struggled in desperation to handle on my own!
I have had the orphan spirit…the spirit of “I can do it on my own because I have done most things on my own.” Pride! I did not want to completely hand this over to God for two reasons 1) I would have to relinquish control and allow myself to be vulnerable. 2) I would have to talk about deep, deep stuff…publicly! That alone is enough to make anyone walk away in fear. I have carried it for quite some time and the burden is very heavy.
I am choosing to believe when God talked about freedom He was not only talking about freedom from spiritual and emotional burdens, but I believe He also meant this type of burden that I want to tell you about.
I have had to prepare for the judgments. I have wrestled with pleasing others instead of God! God has quickly reminded me that I am no longer an orphan and no longer should I seek to please anyone but HIM! He reminded me that His word says he will carry me through this!
I have battled sharing these deep stories in fear of what others will think of my biological mom but she shared her heart about her desire to help children in need of hearing that they can overcome circumstances! She wants parents to know how bad it hurts children when parents choose unhealthy relationships, drugs and alcohol over their children and eventually leave their children abused or neglected. She wants you to know that she, too, once had dreams of becoming a successful person but that she gave up because of the abuse she endured. She wants others to know they are not alone, and that life is too short to waste it on destructive things in this world.
I want my alma-mater to be blessed and to know that I value my education and I want everyone to be able to have the opportunity to go to college! I want them to know that I am thankful for my education and thankful for the wonderful journey that I had as I grew emotionally, spiritually and intellectually!
I cannot tell you how much freedom this journey has brought already, but I will attempt to as the time comes! I can assure you I have freedom in Christ and am believing for this miracle! I will post updates and let you all know what all God is doing, but please feel free to ask any questions if you need too.
Thank you in advance for praying and contributing to what I am going to ask, as I step out into the unknown while only holding onto faith!
Thank you in advance for supporting me through prayer!