April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, a time to raise awareness (yes), but also a time to raise hearts and minds. A time to pause and reflect on a truth we often overlook. It may not be popular to share this but I believe I need to say it:
I will never forget the day I attended a community wide domestic violence awareness seminar that changed the way I saw both pain and healing. The panel was powerful, made up of a police officer, an attorney, a judge, a caseworker, a nonprofit leader, and faith-based organizations. They spoke with great insight about how to help victims of child abuse. But it wasn’t until the very end of the conference that something truly unforgettable happened. A man stood up from the back of the room, visibly angry, the weight of his message still sits with me today. He asked, “What about us? How do we get help? We didn’t just wake up and become abusers, I don’t want to be like this.” His pain came out through his anger, and while some in the room were uncomfortable or dismissive, I wish now that I had stayed connected, or offered more than a moment of compassion. At the time, I couldn’t. I wasn’t in a place to hold space for someone like him, and honestly, I felt anger too. I felt shame for some of my own inadequacies and unhealthy coping skills. Over time, his words began to shape my understanding of forgiveness and restoration. I had always imagined most of my attention would be towards helping children and youth, but that moment opened my eyes to the importance of also helping the wounded adults, those who were once victims themselves but never received healing. If we can break the cycle in adults, we can prevent future harm to children. Justice is necessary and noble, but compassion must exist for those who fell through the cracks, carrying their brokenness into the next generation. Now, I try to see them with eyes of grace, believing that healing them helps heal the future.
We were all children once.
Before the bills. Before the heartbreaks. Before the exhaustion and the pressure. Before the embarrassing realizations that our circumstances were’t normal. We were all small, learning the world through the love, or lack, of others. For some, those early years were safe, secure and nurturing. For others, they were soaked in survival.
As someone who knows the pain of childhood neglect and abuse, I’ve learned that the wounds we carry into adulthood don’t always show up the same way. Sometimes, they look like overachievement and striving for perfection. Sometimes, like isolation. Sometimes, like rage we don’t understand. Often, those nasty wounds resurface as self-abuse, through shame, toxic thoughts, and choices that sometimes hurt us more than anyones hands or words ever did. These toxic thoughts cause some of us to spiral into addiction to help escape the anguish for just a moment.
We long to be healed, but healing takes honesty and the type of honesty can be terrifying to face.
We talk a lot about protecting children, and we must. But part of that protection starts with the adults. The grown-up children. The ones still haunted by memories they’ve tried to forget. Some of us became parents, spouses, leaders, still bleeding inside from what we endured.
Some have repeated the cycle. One thing is for sure, none of us just woke up and said, I think I’m going to hurt people today.
If that’s you, if you find yourself hurting your own family, emotionally, verbally, physically, it doesn’t mean you’re beyond help. It means you are in desperate need of healing and there is help. There is therapy, counseling, trauma work, faith, recovery mountain biking, rage rooms, art, music, photography, and there is grace for the one who is brave enough to say, “I need help before I hurt someone again.”
HEAR ME. There is no shame in getting help. But there is danger in waiting too long 💔.
Self-care isn’t just bubble baths and rest. Sometimes, it’s finally addressing the part of us that’s still screaming from a childhood that didn’t feel safe. Go outside, throw yourself onto the earth and dig your hands in the dirt and scream the injustice out! Ask that your rage be traded for compassion as you look into the eyes of those you desire to love.
Sometimes, it’s unlearning the lies we believed: that we’re unlovable, unfixable, or doomed to repeat the past.
We were all children once. Speaking from experience, healing that inner child may be the greatest gift we can give our own families today. It’s never too late.
The entire month of April, I invite you to:
Tend to the parts of you that still ache.
Get help if you are hurting those you love.
Offer compassion to yourself, even if no one else did.
Break the cycle, not just for your kids, but for you and your inner child.
If you don’t know where to start, start by being honest with yourself through the lens of love and grace and then by reaching out to local agencies in your area. If you don’t know who to talk to, Simply Encourage is here to share encouragement and grace through our blog stories. I am here, healing with you. You are not alone.
Ending the cycle of abuse is possible. Healing is possible. Grace is real and love, even after all you’ve seen, experienced, or caused, is still something you need and even deserve as a human.
❤️ Stephanie Ellison
Simply Encourage Blog 
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