Today I ran with gratitude but to be completely honest I also silenced a sting. A few days ago was Siblings Day! I have amazing siblings who are alive and well. They make me so proud. But I also sat in silence that day because two of my amazing brothers are dead. They are gone! FOREVER! Part of me was jealous on siblings day because so many people shared their posts about their in tact bond. Truth is, I don’t have a bond. Well I do but it’s different. The two siblings that died by reckless living and suicide were the two that I was closest to as a child and now they are just a memory that lives on in their children and my advocacy against child abuse.
As I ran today part of me doubted I would be able to truly make the difference that I hope to make in this world and the other part of me assured myself that I am a survivor full of hope and passion for change! I will continue to run! I will continue to speak out against child abuse and domestic violence for myself, for my siblings, for my students and for anyone who needs to be encouraged to pull themselves out of bed in the morning as they clear the fog from their terror filled minds! Not long ago I was in those shoes or in that bed! I wanted to sleep until the breath in me faded away and my soul ascended into the peacefulness of passing from this life to the next.
There have been days I truly wanted to die. I am a survivor of many types of abuse. I STAND TODAY AS AN OVERCOMER! Love found me and helped me heal from child sexual assault, parental alienation, parental incarceration, emotional abuse, my mother attempting to murder me, partner violence, emotional control, and socioeconomic hardship resulting in homelessness and social emotional struggles. My birth parents have mental illnesses that has often gone un-treated. I don’t always blame them but I do struggle with the part they played in my violent and terror filled upbringing. I also wish they were paying my therapy bills and college debt but I guess that is selfish of me and I digress.
My sweet (rugged) brothers had it rough like so many. We all did! They are gone forever and I am navigating this world as I heal step by step and try to make sense of this dark void. I know I was made to live. Truly LIVE as a light for many known to me and those unknown. Truth be told I often doubt but that will get me nowhere fast. The thing that I know I am to do is run. Run to fight! Fight to run! Run to live! Live to run! I am made for such a time as this! I will give those silenced, a voice. Even those terrorized to their grave. Death may have taken you but your memory lives on still. In my steps. In my actions. In my life.
My first 5K is coming up and I would like to raise $1000 for Big Country CASA! They help children like my siblings and me have a voice! Will you please consider giving to my run by visiting https://runsignup.com/stephanieellison
I would also love to thank Abilene Christian University for this incredible campaign that I RAN across today while cutting through campus! I felt this in my core! It inspired me to keep running and keep speaking out!
I signed up for my first organized run! There is no better way to kick off my journey than this! CASA helps children have a voice! They literally give a voice to the voiceless! Let’s go make a difference in the world together!
I would love your support both in kind words and donation! I would love to raise $1000 for CASA for my run! The details can be found here: https://runsignup.com/stephanieellison
Follow my journey! ❤️ Read my why here: https://simplyencourageblog.com/2022/04/06/my-why-26-2/